Newbie mistakes #1

There are certain tendencies I see often in newbie writing, particularly romance writing. Let’s talk about the direct address today.

What is it?

Here’s the definition from About.com: A construction in which a speaker or writer directly addresses another individual; also, the name of the individual who is addressed. Conventionally, that individual's name is set off by a comma.

Honestly? What a useless definition! That’s like saying the definition of house is, well…house.

My simplest definition - When you directly address someone, you say his or her name within the sentence.

Examples:

What you need, Rick, is a good talking to.

How could you do this to me, Suzanne?

Mom, did you wash my yellow pants?

While I’m not saying your characters should never address each other, I do think you should pick and choose those spots for effect. People just don’t talk that way, and too many addressings make your writing sound immature or hackish.

When CAN you do it?

1. Maybe one character does it all the time and it’s his/her “thing.”
2. When multiple people are talking and you don’t want to use a dialog tag (Dad? Can I talk to you?) The test – can you substitute “hey” for the person’s name?
3. When you want to alter the rhythm of a sentence (IMO this is why most newbie writers do it…and it’s a huge crutch.)
4. To convey that the character is trying to make a big point
5. In the beginning of a story, to let the reader know what the character’s name is

Nicknames

Overuse of direct address often goes hand in hand with characters giving one another nicknames. If you’re going to have characters nickname one another, be sure you know your intent. People who call others by nicknames often come off as jerks. Is that what you’re going for, or did you want your characters to seem familiar? I’ll bet there are eight million other ways to indicate your characters’ familiarity—and ALL of them would be better than a nickname!

Your assignment

Eavesdrop on a single conversation this week and count how many times the people talking address one another. I’m betting almost never!

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